How much is too much?
Do you ever ask yourself the question, “How much is too much?” when it comes to the activities that your children want to do or what you want your children to do? Lately I’ve been reading some articles about helicopter parenting which seems nowadays to run synonymous with the terms “tiger parent” and over-scheduled. Like any parenting style there are experts who poo-poo all over it and other experts who applaud it, so I’m not making any judgements really. I’m just asking, how much is too much?
I met a careered helicopter parent once, a bona fide hoverer who bordered on psychotic nagger. True story. Hubby and I were flying out of Houston. This one mom did not stop barking orders, correcting her child, offering advice, basically just unloading her hopes and wishes down to the Kashi cereal she had packed for herself and her child from the moment we came upon them at the gate until we landed at the next airport. The child looked to be a high school senior. This was before we had children, and let me tell you. That encounter left an indelible impression on my childless self. I never wanted to be that mom, and for that matter, hubby declared he never wanted to be that mom either. 
I’m type A personality for sure, but I just can’t imagine being that controlling over anyone else.
There are times when I have hovered and by that I mean overprotected. It was more frequent when my children were toddlers. I hovered for their safety, standing below the openings of playscapes, ready to catch a falling child or more realistically use my body to break my child’s fall. As they grew older and more cognizant of dangers, I backed off. I do remember thinking though that I might be hovering too much when I met other parents with children of the same age who let their toddlers just “be” at the parks while they texted on the phone, and I was doing the back and forth running underneath the playscape, following my kid’s movement on top. I probably could have backed off, but I didn’t want to chance a broken limb. That’s pretty tough to explain to the grandparents.
Here we are, about to finish up kindergarten with our older child who already is involved in three after school activities. None were forced upon her. She asked to do these three, and I put my foot down at three. Shoot, I should have put my foot down at two because the chauffeuring alone was getting to be too much, but I find it ironic that I am hovering in a way that is still overprotective but in an altogether different way. In many ways, I am trying to protect free time, making sure that she has enough time after school and on weekends to run around and to explore her surroundings on her bike.
I always had students who by their senior year looked like they were ready to burn out before they even started their adult lives. They were great kids, some of the best I ever had, but I worried that they wouldn’t know what to do with themselves if they ever had to sit still for 30 minutes and just do nothing. I fear that my child will be like this because as it is, she wants to do everything and anything that is offered in this world so I park my hovercraft firmly in her way to force her to be unscheduled, sometimes. We have to schedule in unscheduled for her sanity and mine.
So…how much is too much?
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Great, blog entry! I often wonder the same thing. Most are quick to judge the “tiger mom”, but tiger moms are producing the ‘world’s finest’ in terms of academically successful people who go on to be successful in the workforce. At the same time, though, I wonder about the emotional well being of those individuals. I have spoken to a few friends who had/still have “tiger moms” (and they are moms themselves!) and every single one of them resented/hated their rigid upbringing and felt like they missed out on just being a kid. I’m not saying that every child of a “tiger mom” feels that way, at all. I have a limited perspective, but I do think that there is definitely a balance that has to be achieved. No two children are alike, and I would assume the balance is unique, as well.
When I first heard the term Helicopter Mom I had to quickly google. I first heard of this term from an interview that the Mom from Wizards of Waverly Place did (she has 2 young girls) and she was asked are you a Helicopter Mom? Sometimes I feel sorry for the children being run all around town at all hours of the week, after school, weekends etc. We keep active but 1 activity maybe 2 activites each is max for my children 9 and 7. Sometimes they tell me I don’t want to go or I want to stay home. Thanks for the article Little Austinite
I have always thought the term ‘Helicopter Mom’ referes to mother who must interefere and look over the kid’s activities, most of the time. While ‘Tiger Mom’ enforce regimental discipline on the kids and push them to higher standard, without being hovering around the kid at all time like a ‘Helicopter Mom’. My mother was a ‘Tiger Mom’, and I still remember her pushing us to go to piano lesson, swimming sessions, and football practices. However, she would never hover around me and my brother, and dictate what we do. ‘Tiger mom’ are more strict, while ‘Helicopter mom’ are more dominate, in a way of how they implement their teaching.
Yes, you’re right Stephen in the strict sense of the terms, though many of the articles that I’ve read recently about tiger moms are also lumping them in with the helicopter parent who not only hovers but controls the kid’s every movement from activities to discipline.