For better or for worse
My friend recently revealed to me that she and her husband are expecting their first baby, and though this is absolutely welcomed news, she asked me what was the most difficult thing for me about having a baby besides sleep deprivation. I had to think about this. Sleep deprivation really brought out a whole cascade of negative qualities in my personality, so what could be more difficult than sleep deprivation?
What a tough question!
A baby will test a marriage’s resolve. There.
I like to think that for the most part hubby and I have good communication. We have mutual respect for one another, and we are generally considerate of each other’s wishes. Then overnight, in spite of all the planning we did pre-baby, there is another person, full of personality, thrown in the mix to rock our boat. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that our children make our lives miserable. Not at all!
Having a baby forced us to put “us” second sometimes. Having a baby meant that we were flying by the seat of our pants most of the time. We were forced to develop and hone our parenting skills while in the thick of things, and sometimes we vehemently disagreed with one another on how we should raise our child in the littlest of ways.
Hubby and I were good with the “big” things. We saw eye-to-eye when it came to world view and religion. We were good on education and culture. We thought we had everything figured out, but it’s the little things that we couldn’t have imagined pre-children. I remember having this big blowup with hubby over how he implemented time-outs. I thought he was far too harsh, and he thought I was too lax. Even if we had thought through how we would implement discipline, we never took into consideration that our child’s personality would lend itself to any other way. What in hindsight seems rather trivial since we were arguing over how to discipline not if to discipline, in the moment, the disagreement turned into something of a personal insult. What do you mean my way is not better?
Yes, having a child definitely tested our marriage. We focused our attention on the baby, especially the first time around, because we just didn’t have a clue about how to care for a newborn. If not for having a strong foundation and commitment to each other, I’m certain that the little disagreements might have wedged any crack wider. What we have learned is that the “for worse” moments of parenting feel like an eternity but pass quickly if one of us takes the high road to apologize. The “for better” moments pass quickly but last for an eternity in our photographs, memories, and family stories.
Besides sleep deprivation, what do you think is the most difficult thing about having a baby?
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